Let it Go

As you probably know, Addison spent 2 days at Children's National Hospital, and was officially diagnosed with Infantile Epilepsy. When we first heard that the "dropping" that he was doing on his left side was mostly likely to be a seizure, I started to have one of those firstborn moments. Any firstborn will understand what I mean. All the little people below you are your responsibility to protect, nurture, shield. If something hits them it's a direct hit to you. You've failed to keep them safe. One truth I've had to re-learn almost every day for every sibling is just this: I can't protect them all the time; I can only place them in God's extremely capable hands (He created them after all) and step back, supporting them, encouraging them and otherwise generally staying out of their way. Since Pa and Mom made a hurried departure Monday afternoon, I'd been...off. Quiet (which is NOT me), a bit, well, reserved. The truth is, a terrible amount of stress was on me. (Now that this is over I tell you, but at the time I would've denied it.) I tried all the "quick fixes" that had helped me in the past: piano playing, singing (even though my voice is currently non-existent), reading, laundry, brainless activity, etc.

But nothing worked.

A thoughtful friend stuck around all day to help out, then drove the whole gang to DC to visit Henry. Seeing him in his wires and IV didn't help any. We got home very late, and went straight to bed. The next morning I woke to cloudy skies. And the first thought to hit my head was a still small voice reminding me of a practice I'd half forgotten about. Whenever I'm struggling with something that seems overwhelming, I turn to one of my favorite Psalms, and, that morning, God kept told me to read Psalm 116. After putting on the coffee, I sat down with my Bible, pen and legal pad. And was astounded by what I read. You know those moments where you know something to be true you just sort of, well, forgot? It was one of those moments. Here's what it says:

I love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow.Then called I upon the name of the Lord; O Lord, I beseech thee, deliver my soul.Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful.The Lord preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee.For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.Psalm 116:1-9

Okay, now here's what jumped off the page at me.

• In verses 1 & 2, David writes that God "hath heard...hath inclined His ear". Note the past tense. This had all happened before. God had heard David's cries before, and thus, he knew God would hear him again.
• Verse 3- this guy is in some serious turmoil.
• But in verse 4 he tells us that he besought (basically begged) God to deliver his soul. To deliver his soul. Why the bold type? Okay, try to follow me here a minute. Our being consists of three parts: Body, Soul and Spirit. Our Body is the physical element, our Spirit is, well, spiritual, and our Soul is our Mind, Will and Emotions (thus, our feelings/decisions/thought processes). David is, therefore, asking God, not to deliver his body from his present circumstances, but to deliver his mind from its own wanderings, it's inner-overwhelming-ness. 
• "Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful." If I'd had any doubt after the last 4 verses that God had this all in hand, then this was the clincher. When going through a harrowing experience, a nightmare in the daytime, the words gracious, righteous and merciful are not the first adjectives/attributes that come to my mind. Not that I believe that He's anything less than that. But one tends to let fear steal it's clammy, cold, firm hands around your mind, and that drives out everything else. But once God I realized that this verse was not accidentally stuck in the middle of David's plea for help, I just...got it. Ya know? Just simply got it. 

But it doesn't end there:

• In verse 6, David tells us that God preserves the simple... (not "simple" as in ignorant- those who come to Him simply--remember the faith as a child.)
• And then, my favorite verse:

P.S.: this is a big wallpaper size when opened up, so, feel free. If you need a custom size, shoot me a line.

Resting in the Lord should be easy. Just as most of our Christian walk ought to be. But we've been over that. Giving our struggles to God should be a natural response. Life hands us the lemons, we hand it over to the lemonade-maker of all time. The One Who will work all things together for good. (Rom.8:28) This is one of the many things that gets easier every time we make the conscious effort to just do it already. The first step is simple LET IT GO!

Before this was an incredibly popular Disney hit, it was a contemporary Christian song recorded by Tenth Avenue North. Originally I was going to do a side-by-side comparison of the conflicting messages between the two songs. Maybe I will in a later post. But for now, the lyrics. To the former, since everyone already knows the words to Frozen's version... :)

I've been holding on so tight

Look at these knuckles

They've gone white

I'm fighting for who I wanna be

I'm just trying to find security

But You say let it go, 

You say let it go

You say life is waiting for the one's who lose control

You say you will be, everything I need

You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul-

You say let it go.

Well it's hard enough to hear

Harder still, to move beyond this fear

We know there's nothing I can bring,

So tell me what do you want from me?

But You say let it go, 

You say let it go

You say life is waiting for the one's who lose control

You say You will be, everything I need

You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul

You say let it go, 

You say let it go.

What do I love?

What do I hate?

What will I lose?

What will I gain?

How do I save my soul?

What if I bend?

What if I break?

What will it cost?

What will it take?

For you to save my soul.

You say let it go, 

You say let it go

You say life is waiting for the one's who lose control

You say You will be, everything I need

You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul

You say let it go.

I will never look at Psalm 116 the same way again. Don't you love it when God throws something you think you know inside out into a different light and you realize you've never seen it that way before and that you don't know it as well as you did? (please pardon my run-on) It had never ceased to amaze me how often I read a scripture and see it a whole different way.

Side note aside, once this all dawned on me, and that quiet whisper asking me to let Him handle things took over, I was flooded with that peace. You know, the one that passes all understanding. Once again, He was in control. No worry. No fretting. No brainless filler work. Resting easy once again was the modus operandi. 

And this isn't just this one incident. I realize that this is going to be a daily ritual. Every day I've got to choose to let Him be the boss, as one can't serve two masters. (Matt. 6:24) I can serve the Father or Fear. The Victorious Assurance or Vicious Anxiety. 

(Somewhat random yet interesting trivia bit:
the word "worry" comes from Old English "wyrgan" meaning "to strangle")

What about you? What has God put in your life that you've let take over? Oh, friend let me tell you this: our God is amazing. He heard and delivered David. He heard and delivered me. He hears you and will deliver you if only you will let it go.